Friday, October 23, 2015

The Journey I Didn't Plan

In October 2012, I married my high school sweetheart! He is literally my best friend and life couldn't have been more perfect. 
In August 2014, my husband and I decided we were ready to begin trying for a baby. In a sense I can see God smiling at that sentence, because we all know that He is the ultimate decision maker - not us. The first couple of months were full of excitement, thinking this may be our month! Then, as the months kept passing us by I became really discouraged. Was something wrong? Everyone that has ever been apart of this journey knows the feeling you get every time someone else announces their pregnancy. That deep, heart wrenching failure moment. Its the worst feeling. You are excited for them, but in a sense still hurt- not at them but at yourself. Why is it so easy for everyone else? 

Its been 15 months. 15 LONG months. 

Back in August(the 12 month mark) I decided to talk to my OB-GYN about what was going on. I remember going to the doctor's office so worried that my doctor would just shrug it off and say to go try for another 3 or 4 more months. When you're ttc 3 or 4 months is a long time. She didn't, thank goodness!! She referred me to the infertility department that day, and even had a infertility nurse come over and talk to me. I love information, so the more information I can get the more comfortable I am about a situation- and the nurse (my nurse) gave me lots of it. My emotions were out of control that day, but when the nurse came in and handed me that infertility pamphlet, it all became real. The word INFERTILITY written on the front of the pamphlet hit me like a ton of bricks. Even as I type it out it still kind of puts me in a state of shock. This was never a part of my plan. Infertility had never even crossed my mind. I had just always imagined that when we were ready to have a baby we would have one. How wrong was I? How foolish my plan must look to God. His plan is greater than what we could imagine, and I truly believe this was his way of opening my eyes. I see things a lot clearer now. Anyways, back to the story. Since I was already far along in my cycle she scheduled me to come in on days 9, 11, and 13 of my next cycle for blood work, a ultrasound, and a consultation. I remember leaving that room feeling anxious, excited, but so sad at the same time. The tears were on their way, so I was in a rush to get back to my car. Of course, of all days I couldn't remember which parking deck that I had parked on. Three parking decks later I finally found my car- and the dam broke. 

I went in as scheduled on days 9, 11, and 13. My ultrasound showed good results, but my blood however showed that my estrogen was too low. If my estrogen was low my progesterone was sure to be low as well. I was excited about this news. If this is all that's wrong - easy peasy. That's an easy fix! During my consultation i was given a ton of information. Yay! The only thing I left bummed about that day, was that my rubella vaccination was low. So, the next month I would have to take the MMR vaccine. After being given the MMR vaccine, you can't get pregnant. It could do serious harm to the baby. I had to wait a whole month to start anything baby related. During this month of wait, I underwent the HSG test(dye test). This test checks for blockages and scarring on your Fallopian tubes. Warning: it's very painful. The test came back normal!! No obstructions! Also, during this month my husband got his semen analysis done. This is where they check your sperm count, motility, and mobility. NORMAL! Praise Jesus! 

My next cycle, which was this month was medication time. I started 50mg of Clomid this past week. I could write a whole blog post about Clomid itself, and I probably will. My side effects included, hot flashes, headaches, mood swings, and stomach cramps. It's been a week that's for sure! My poor husband. 

Hopefully this will be our month! I would LOVE to have to only do one month on Clomid!

-What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later.-
-Romans 8:18