Friday, May 20, 2016

Cast all of your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Yesterday was my two week follow up since the d&c. Everything seemed to go good, but I still left the doctor's office emotionally aggravated. We were told to wait a couple of cycles before trying again, and to be honest I could use the break. This whole year has been mentally and physically exhausting to say the least and I just want to enjoy the summer with my husband. August will be 2 years that we've been on this TTC journey, so to have a couple of months to not over analyze fertile days, endlessly having blood drawn, partaking in hormone medications, countless trips to Birmingham for ultrasounds, and scheduled sex will feel like a breeze of fresh air. I could use some of that fresh air. We still long for that baby that we get to bring home one day but the Lord has given me a peace that only He can. I know our family will grow according to his plan,  so for now I am resting in the fact that God has got this under control. 

Monday, May 9, 2016

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17

The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare to say the least. I went for my first official OB appointment that I wrote about in my last post and we got the news that no one wants to hear. Our baby's heart beat had stopped and that little peanut that we had already began to love in just the 4 short weeks that we had known of its existence had stopped growing. I was in shock. Even though I had tried to prepare for the worst at first, that was something that I just wasn't expecting that day. I just couldn't wrap my head around the whole situation. I am still just numb to the core. I had a D&C this past Thursday and so Mother's Day weekend couldn't have been anymore worse for me. The doctor's said that this is more common than people realize, its just not talked about. They think it was some chromosomal issue that occurred at conception. Even though they told me that they don't see this being a recurring problem for me in the future, the thought of going through this again scares me to death. I honestly don't have the words to explain all of the thoughts that have been circulating in my head these past couple of weeks. We don't understand why these things happen, and I don't know that we ever will. We still pray for our take home baby every day. I pray for God to heal my broken spirit and just fill my heart with peace and trust that His plan is much greater than anything I could have planned for myself.

A sweet friend sent this poem to me a couple of months ago. So very true. "He maketh no mistake."